


i'm trash dot txt

by rapunzariccia



Category: Naruto
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-11-02
Updated: 2016-01-04
Packaged: 2018-04-29 14:10:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 14,895
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5130530
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rapunzariccia/pseuds/rapunzariccia
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I found a bunch of old OC/Neji fics I wrote back in like, 2006 when I was still a hardcore Nerto at the age of 13-14 and after my horribleterrible best friend got me back into it I decided to while away the time in the evenings by writing the same ship but better (because boy howdy if nothing else I have greatly improved my writing skills in the last 9 years). Now with less OOC!</p><p>I'm posting this as is, without rewriting any part of it or filling in the missing scenes mostly because I just want to bump up my overall AO3 wordcount. And because someone else might find it as hilarious as I do.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Eiva Kirae is my long-suffering OC. Vana is my best friend's OC and always always always her half-sister. Raieyana (later spelling revised to Rayana) and Xuya are my own characters, originally Eiva's children (cringe) and now promoted to full characters in their own rights. The Red Lotus is the ninja clan they belong(ed) to, led by another OC, Ueito Hakashi (whose name I came up with playing Barbies with my bestie at like 3am one time oh god the Naruto age was a surreal one for me), and who come from some unspecified area in Fire Country and are all assholes.
> 
> It's. Set in Shippuden at some point? I really don't know when, I wasn't thinking about timeframe, I just felt like writing. Just be glad I decided not to bring back Sasuke and give Vana her LI (although I'm thinking about it for any future additions I make.......)
> 
> Finally, please consider this my long-overdue apology to Tenten for thinking of her as an awful character when I was younger for potentially being Neji's future love interest. I know better now.

it's afternoon when they come for her. to be precise, it's just a little after lunchtime. eiva has been with her sister since she arrived; it's safest that way, with someone she knows and whom she knows won't blab. it's not that she likes keeping secrets, but sometimes it's necessary.  
  
it's a nice day. there are a few clouds but the air is dry, nothing like the moist heat she's used to in the forests she usually tramps about in. she's let her hair down, even, unravelled from its tight braid so it can ruffle in the breeze. vana ruffles it as well, runs her fingers carefully through it the way she used to when they had lived together, still a proper family.  
  
she's not sure what alerts her. it's nothing in the air - nothing that she can tell, anyway. nothing is particularly out of place, but the hair on the back of her neck has suddenly stuck up and she shivers, sits bolt upright very quickly.  
"what's wrong?" ino asks from across the table, just one of vana's many friends. vana herself frowns. eiva is not known for being serious, despite the dangers she gets herself into so often.   
"eiva?" her sister asks, but she is too busy mirroring a movement she knows well. her fingers have brushed the kunai holder strapped to her thigh and then--  
  
she throws herself off the bench, sending the seat clattering. the cup she had been drinking from falls to the floor and smashes against the floor. the kunai that had been thrown at her misses and lodges itself in the wooden wall of the tea shop.  
she doesn't say a word, just pushes herself to her feet and gives herself an immediate start with the push she gives herself. then she's off down the street, ignoring the world. she barely hears the startled yell the tea shop's owner makes as she notices the kunai stuck in her wall, or her sister screaming her name. she does make sure to keep her eyes trained ahead, the way she has always been taught: keep watching for those who would hurt you. she can see them now, men and women in green and white. she doesn't need to see their arms to know there's a red flower tattooed on all of them.  
  


* * *

  
"are you with them?" he asks.  
"god, no," she says back, breathless after the display. "i'm trying to get away."  
"follow me," he says.  
  
then he's moving, and she has to drop the ball-and-chain and leave the incapacitated ninja on the floor where she had struck them down. she runs after him, keeping up easily - he's not setting much of a pace, for all the terror in her gut - and ducks down a side alley with him, then through a busy street, then down another alley.  
  
they end up in a large complex. "in," neji says, and she scrambles through the window he's opened without much of a thought. it's a very empty room that she lands in; a bed, a chair and a desk. no papers or pens or photos, nothing to personalise it. he follows her in, slides the window down, crouches down to join her on the floor.  
"are you okay?"  
she doesn't say anything, keeps her eyes focused carefullly on her clenched fists. only a gentle touch to her shoulder - brief, kept there until she jerks away from the touch - brings her back to the real world.  
"are you okay?" he repeats. she nods, jerkily.  
"yes. no," she adds. "they'll find me sooner or later. how can i get out?"  
"get out?"  
"of the village. i need to go. if they've found me here they won't stop until they've-"  
"you'll stay," he says, quietly but firmly. "we'll get the hokage to come down, she can-"  
"neji," comes a voice from outside the room. "i'm coming in."  
  
it's neji's uncle. eiva stays where she is, low to the ground, distrustful of everyone despite the - kindness? it should be a kindness that she's been escorted somewhere the lotus can't follow.  
"i saw you running," the uncle says. "what has happened?"  
neji doesn't answer for her. he turns his head to her and waits for an explanation. eiva takes in a breath, a deep shuddering one, and expels it slowly. "i don't think," she starts, but she's quieted by the uncle's frown.  
"i don't care who you think you should be reporting to - you are under my roof, which makes this my responsibility. now tell me," he says with such force that she's reminded of hakashi. she shrinks back a little, steels herself and doesn't look away from his strong gaze. she has had more than enough practise at resisting harsh looks.  
"i ran away," she says. "from someone who took me from my parents when i was a child. now i'm gone, he wants me back," she adds, face twisting. she's bitter. she thinks she'll always be bitter. "and i don't think he'll wait for me," she adds. "he - they're strong. i was trying to get to the hokage's office before-"  
"her sister introduced me to her," neji says. "a couple of days ago. i mentioned it to you, uncle."  
  


* * *

  
it's not the first time she has been put under house arrest, but there is something very comforting about knowing that this time it really is for her own good. hakashi has kept her under wraps for almost as long as she can remember, the better to keep her by his side. for a long time she has been capable of looking after herself; the world is not so bad that it can crush her. but single people can, and a single person has her trapped now.  
  
if the hyuuga compound wasn't so peaceful she would be curled in on herself trying not to scream, but she has been given relative freedom thanks to both the hokage and the hyuuga head himself. as it stands, she's happy to sit on the veranda and watch the clouds go by. there's nothing else to do until she's told to do otherwise.  
"am i interrupting?"  
it's neji. she waves a hand vaguely - it's the one hidden under the swamp of fabric that the hyuugas have donated to her; her sister's clothes have ripped in her escape. he takes it as an invitation, and sits near her.  
"how are you?" he asks, and she shrugs.  
"can't complain," she says before complaining. "a little bored. a little worried. mostly bored. i've been thinking about vana a lot."  
"she's safe," is the response, which she's surprised by. "i went to check on her earlier. she's hiding out at the yamanaka's residence for the time being."  
"thank you," eiva says. she means it. she hadn't realised she was worried about vana until the news arrived. neji doesn't seem to think it's anything much; he waves his hand much as she had done briefly before and stays where he is. they stare out at the courtyard together.  
  
"enjoying yourself?" he asks wryly as if he can anticipate the groan she makes before she makes it. "i thought as much. i'm sorry you're stuck here."  
"it could be worse," she grumbles, drawing her knees up. "i could be stuck *out there* without friends or a place to stay."  
"true," he concedes. he doesn't push the subject further, doesn't press anything at all, simply sits. it starts to grate on her nerves pretty quickly.  
"what do you want?" she asks.  
"huh?"  
"i mean, thank you for saving me and all, but- this is house arrest. surely you shouldn't be speaking to me at all. if anything you should want me out your hair as soon as possible."  
"you make it sound like we're not used to threats," neji says dryly. that gets her attention.  
"oh?"  
"oh," he says, and she could swear there's the hint of an infuriating smile playing against his features. she's not sure whether she should laugh or get more grumpy with him, but he makes a decision before she can make her mind up. "i'll leave you to your solitude," he says, and gets up. "if you need anything, let me know and i'll see if i can get it for you. i'll see your sister before i come back."  
  


* * *

  
he does one better than that. eiva is lying on the floor of the room she was brought to - which, incidentally, turned out to be neji's - with her arms spread out and her hair fanning around her head. it's been taken down from its braid, all the better to get caught in the door when it slides open. "nngh," she says, and then, "oh-" at the same time vana makes a similarly inarticulate noise. she sits up so quickly the blood rushes back to her head all at once, and then the door is sliding shut again as neji leaves them to talk.

* * *

  
he's in the courtyard training when vana leaves; she sees her out as far as she reckons it is safe to go. she kisses her sister's cheek, enjoys the amber smell of the perfume she's wearing and promises to see her again soon. "i'll send messages through hyuuga-san," she announces. vana nods before she leaves.  
  
eiva doesn't return to her (her?) room right away. she dithers, watches neji out of the corner of her eye, and then settles for watching him properly when she gives herself a headache. he's out of breath when he finally stops, and she's feeling awkward for having waited so long just watching.  
"thank you," she says, and disappears before he can say anything.  
  


* * *

  
it's five days before the hokage comes back. she's invited to the elder's room where she's accompanied by the elder hyuuga; he takes a seat to the back of the room while they sit down together.  
"so," tsunade says.  
"have they gone?" eiva asks.  
"not completely. there are still one or two, but we met with the lotus' leader. he has agreed to leave konoha personally for now."  
"for now," eiva echoes. the words taste bitter. tsunade seems to understand; she grimaces. "he's not going to let me leave the village. nngh-" she drops her head into her hands, rubs at her eyes. "i'm sorry," she adds quickly. "it's not exactly your problem. i've brought this to your doorstep - i shouldn't have. i didn't realise how much of a problem he would be."  
  
"he did have one request," tsunade says. "he wanted to pass on a message."  
"yes?" eiva asks, raising her head again. tsunade slides a piece of paper across the table; it's an envelope, still sealed. eiva stares at it and makes no move to take it.  
"i haven't read it," the hokage says. then, "hiashi-san, may i ask that eiva stays with you for a while longer?" she doesn't see the acknowledgement, doesn't listen to the reply. she barely notices tsunade getting to her feet and leaving the room; maybe there was a goodbye.  
  
only when hiashi touches her shoulder does she move. she gets up automatically and walks slowly, carefully, back to neji's room. it's empty. she sits on the bed, slides a finger underneath the flap of the envelope and pulls out the paper. it's folded over once, carefully.  
*princess* it reads. she throws it to the floor, feels sick, feels like she might drop to her knees and throw up all over the room. she doesn't, but she feels dizzy and short of breath. she slides off the bed onto her knees, clenches her hands so tightly she feels her nails go through the paper she's still holding and stab into her palm. she squeezes her eyes shut. princess. *princess*. fuck you, hakashi, she thinks, and she moans. she feels ill.  
  
the next thing she feels is a hand against her shoulder, gently; this seems to be the hyuuga's preferred place to touch, the shoulder. "are you okay," neji asks. she tries to say yes, yes, just fine! but her traitorous body *sobs* in front of this boy she barely knows, and then she's crying. she puts her face into her hands and forgets about dignity. the touch on her shoulder lifts and her heart knows a horrible wrenching feeling as she realises that she is to be left alone with her grief, left alone like she has known for most of her life, but neji has gotten up merely to close his door. he comes back to sit down next to her - on the floor, no less - and doesn't say a word. he doesn't touch her either, not even to rub her back or hold onto her shoulder for comfort or whatever else the hyuugas do. he sits quietly and lets her cry.  
  


* * *

  
she feels closer to him after that. she falls asleep somewhere during the process, tires herself out so much crying that her body gives up. when she wakes up she's on the bed. neji is nowhere to be seen. her eyes feel stretched-out and exhausted, like she's been awake for days in a row. surprisingly enough, she feels a bit better for having done so much crying.  
  
she's up and moving quickly enough. she slides the door open - she's not sure what she's intending, still impulsive as ever - maybe to see him, maybe just to leave the compound altogether - and he's within arm's reach of her, going for the door on the other side. she's sure the look of horror on his face is reflected on hers.  
"um," she says.  
"uh," he says. "are you..."  
"feeling better?" she asks for him. he nods, bewildered. "i think so." she's staring, he's staring, it's all very awkward and embarrassing. she can feel heat rising to her cheeks. neji coughs. "i, uh," she says. "should probably go."  
"where to?" he asks. "do you need..."  
  


* * *

  
it's a horrible habit of hers, waltzing into people's lives and then out again. so many people have reacted to her, and she's not sure why - well. that's not entirely true. hakashi wants her back for a myriad reasons. her sister (whom she barely knows even though they're close) says she's kind and fierce in the same breath. the hokage called her *something else*. but there's really no reason for the other shinobi of her age group to care so much. she connects with them on a superficial level; over the last few weeks she's learned a lot about them, and herself, that she never expected or particularly wanted to learn. it's baffling. she's spent a lot of time on her own trying to puzzle out why.  
  
but she enjoys it, as well. there's something novel and fresh in being able to spend time just for the sake of spending time, talk about nothing in particular. even when she's gone out with a couple of the ninja teams she's been treated as a person rather than a tool.  
  
there's a very strong urge for her to dance away again and disappear, keep up the chase where hakashi will have to keep following, keep away from her friends and this village, keep them all on their toes. the urge to stay and do something for herself is stronger. it's made her do strange things already, like spend money on frivolous things and help people home.  
  


* * *

  
when she kisses him it's cold out and she's very thankful for the high-necks she's taken to wearing.  
"you aren't cold?" he asks, and she laughs. it seems to make him smile a little - he's stoic, but not as much as he could be. must be the rest of his team's influence.  
"i don't mind the cold," she says. "actually, i like it. i like being inside on cold days, especially."  
"oh, vana mentioned you use ice jutsu," neji says suddenly. she nods.  
"that's right. i guess it must be in the blood. cold in and out." she laughs, and it sounds bitter even to her ears.  
"i don't think that's true," he says. something about the way he says it makes her stomach flip over. "you're not cold."  
"no?"  
"no. and even if you are, you have good reason to be. after everything."  
  
something about that touches her very strongly. it fills her up like a warm drink in the middle of winter; he looks so earnest and genuine that she feels almost upset. few people are this good to her for no reason. she has learned that vana does this because she feels like it and because she feels it is almost her job, especially after she has been away from her baby sister for so long. hakashi was kind on occasion, when she did good at an assigned task or when she was in danger of defecting.  
  
"you think so?"  
"why wouldn't i?"  
  
she finds she doesn't have a response for that. she looks down at her feet, and then she feels the familiar, gentle touch of his hand against her shoulder. it's now or never, really. she leans up onto her toes, reaches for his chin with her cold fingers, and presses a kiss to his cheek gently. the skin is soft.  
  


* * *

  
she spends that night with vana and doesn't say a word, just turns up and lies on her bed.  
  


* * *

  
they don't mention it when they see each other next - which isn't too long. she wakes up to a scroll attached to the leg of a bird. it's tsunade's handwriting: be at the gate at 10am. you are with team gai today.  
she dresses in her usual manner, makes sure to eat a big breakfast. she's gotten into the habit of leaving messages for vana, now that they live together, so she grabs a brush and leaves a heart on a piece of scrap paper. she's waiting by the gate for five minutes before anyone else turns up. anyone else happens to be tenten, who is yawning and does not look at all prepared for a mission. eiva can sympathise with that. she says as much, and tenten laughs.  
"i never feel prepared," she says. "you've met lee and gai-sensei - if you didn't understand, i'd be worried."  
"oh, i get it," eiva says, and they laugh again. tenten's grin quickly takes on a much more devious look.  
"but they're not the ones i should be worried about today," she adds. "what's this i hear about you and--?"  
  
eiva is spared embarrassment by the arrival of gai, lee and neji, who looks as if he has been press-ganged into jogging around the village with the rest of his team. "good morning!" tenten calls. it's easy to tell before anyone opens their mouth that he has decided it is NOT a good morning. to his credit, he doesn't flush or stammer when he realises who else will be joining them; he simply tips his head in greeting. eiva returns the gesture, glad that it isn't going to obstruct a job, and even more glad that tenten seems disappointed that there has been no devastatingly overdramatic reunion between them. eiva will be happy to continue disappointing.  
  


* * *

  
they don't mention it. tenten doesn't, either, though eiva does catch her looking slyly between them more than once, and lee and gai don't seem to notice anything out of the ordinary. when they return to the village, eiva starts to say her goodbyes and is cut short by gai himself. "come and eat with us," he says, and eiva can't say no to an invitation delivered with such a shit-eating grin. then again, she can't exactly say yes to things like this - her own mind stops her from agreeing to such free things - but tenten loops an arm through one of hers and winks at her. eiva is marched along to the restaurant with them.  
"so," gai says halfway down the main street. "how are you finding konoha?"  
"uh," eiva says with all her usual intelligence. "what?"  
"konoha," gai repeats. he's grinning at the town itself rather than her now, like he finds nothing but beauty and great things in everything around him. eiva has to admit, there's a lot to like. it's a quaint little place, where everyone seems to know everybody else. people greet each other in the street in a way that she's not used to, even within her own small not-clan.  
  
"it's nice, i guess," she manages. "very friendly."  
"some people are *too* friendly," neji mutters somewhere to her right, and she snorts inelegantly.  
"really," she adds. "it's nice. i can see why my sister likes it here."  
"she's a fan of quiet places?" tenten asks, but eiva only shrugs.  
"honestly, i'm not sure what she's a fan of, but i trust her judgement. if she's stayed here this long then there has to be good things about it. i haven't got anything to really judge it against."  
"you lived in the forest, right?"  
"forests, plains, mountains - anywhere, really. it's still strange walking around like this and not hiding."  
  
it's a rather private admission to make, and she feels oddly bereft for having said it at all. thankfully, no one comments on it. tenten keeps their arms looped the entire walk, which is an odd feeling - not even vana keeps them this close when they walk down the street, not that it's an event that happens often - but comforting nonetheless. the girls sit together when they enter the restaurant, opposite lee and neji. gai takes the head of the table and orders everything for them with great gusto. gusto, eiva quickly learned, is gai's tagline.  
  


* * *

  
she's invited to stay at tenten's the day afterwards, and does so at vana's insistence. "it'll be good for you to make new friends," is her sister's excuse. eiva turns up with a bag of spare clothes, a toothbrush, and no idea what is expected of her. she knows tenten to be a great weapons master, very good at sealing jutsus, and little else besides.  
  
tenten's hair is down when she answers the door. it's so at odds with the image of the girl that eiva has in her mind that she doesn't recognise her straight away. "come in!" she says, and steps aside.   
it's a small but modest house, full of creature comforts. some eiva recognises from stores she's passed through before. others she has never seen before. tenten catches her staring, and smiles not unkindly. "not used to stuff like this at all, huh?"  
"no," eiva says. there are multiple mirrors. she's not sure what people need more than one mirror for.  
  
tenten's room is comparatively empty, and much more of a comfort. there are a couple of scrolls on her wall written in a script that eiva can barely read. there are a couple of cushions scattered on her made bed.  
"oh," eiva says. "i like your room."  
tenten smiles. "i like things simple. my mom doesn't, hence all the stuff in the rest of the house."  
"simple is good."  
  
simple is the BEST, eiva concludes. simple consists of spending the night doing things she is completely unused to - but so is tenten, by her own admission.  
"i don't understand how the other kunoichi do stuff like this so often," she says as they paint their nails. the polish has appeared courtesy of tenten's mother. "it chips, it takes too long to do..."  
"it's hard," eiva adds as she blobs more onto her finger than her fingernail and scowls.  
"it's hard!" tenten agrees. "you have to let it dry..."  
"it's an inconvenience. pretty, but worthless."  
"a bit like a lot of things they do. jewelry..."  
"fancy clothes."  
"*perfume*."  
  
they look at each other and burst out laughing at the same time. it's very nice, spending time with someone that understands.  
"i never thought i'd be doing something like this," eiva confesses when the moon is up. she's lying on a makeshift bed on the floor. tenten is on her bed, with her face hanging off the side so she can see her friend better. "something normal, i mean."  
"me neither," says tenten. "i mean, i know we've had it different, and i know i've done things like this before, but it's not really the same. i think i get why the others do it, even if it's... not a waste of time, but..."  
"i understand," eiva says softly. that's good enough. she lies there, silent, looking at the moon through the window that's slightly ajar to let a breeze in. it's good to keep the room from getting stuffy, says tenten, and eiva agrees.  
  
she thinks the other girl has fallen asleep, but there's a shifting sound as tenten makes herself more comfortable, and then clears her throat quietly. "can i ask a question?"  
"mmm." she's very comfortable on the floor, ready to drop off. she fights the feeling.  
"did you really kiss neji?"  
there's the heat flooding back into her cheeks again. she's glad it's dark. "on the cheek."  
"why?"  
"are you jealous?" eiva asks. "i'm sorry, if you are. i won't do it again."  
"no, no," tenten says, and then yawns. "that's not what i meant. i just want to know - natural curiosity. i used to like him," she adds, "when i was younger, but he wasn't interested, and it couldn't have gone anywhere. not with how he used to be." she snorts, stretches again. "it's nice to see him so confused about it."  
"confused?"  
"yeah!" tenten's laughing now, trying to keep it quiet and failing. "he didn't want to say anything to lee - that kid's got his heart set on someone that isn't interested, so no help there - gai is just like lee but worse - he couldn't ask hinata for advice - he doesn't know what to do with himself!" she almost sounds victorious, which is strange. she's less gleeful when she starts talking again. "but he's a good guy, and i don't want his feelings hurt. he doesn't know whether it meant anything, whether he's reading too much into it."  
  
"hmm," eiva says thoughtfully.   
"so?" tenten asks. "why did you do it?"  
"it felt like the right thing to do, i think," eiva says. she's remembering what it was like - what it felt like to brush her lips against his cheek, how warm he had been against the cool night, how hard her heart had beat even after she'd walked away. "and because i wanted to," she adds, a touch defensively. that earns her a quiet giggle, which makes her feel like she's being made fun of. she pouts into her pillow.  
"i won't tell him," tenten says after another yawn. "but you should probably talk to him. i think he likes you too."  
  
eiva falls asleep with her cheeks still warm.

* * *

  
of course, she doesn't see him for nearly a week after their girly night together. he's off on a high-level mission with gai and one other jounin that she can't find out about no matter how much she asks about, so she gives up and settles for following her sister around like a duckling. vana doesn't mind - or if she does, she doesn't say anything. she takes to holding her sister's hand but doesn't say very much. vana seems to understand that she wants company but privacy and doesn't ask any questions, just lets herself be followed about town as she goes about her business. there's plenty of business to do. vana goes to and from the hokage's office where she brings supplies when requested, to the hospital to visit her friends when she has free time, just down the shops once a day to just talk to whomever she meets.  
  
she can't help but flinch every time she sees someone wearing green. vana is already used to this.  
  
-  
  
when neji comes back, eiva gives him space for a couple of days. she's nervous, all of a sudden, like she's scared something will happen if she speaks to him even though there's nothing to be scared of. she does walk by the hyuuga compound once, but she doesn't stop and she doesn't make eye contact with anyone around the compound. she continues walking - she has her arms full with groceries, anyway - and tries desperately not to think about him. she thinks about him anyway.  
  
it's an accident when she sees him, but a happy one. he smiles at her and greets her like anyone else.  
"how was your mission?" she asks.  
"tiring," is the reply. "i can't talk about it, but i'm glad i'm back."  
"must be nice to get some downtime."  
"absolutely." he glances away; she follows his gaze. "i, uh, i'm with my uncle..."  
"oh!" she can't see him in the street, but she's not surprised. the hyuugas rarely go out by themselves, it seems. "i'm sorry, i didn't know. hey, um, if you're free anytime, um," she can feel her face heating up again. "it would be nice to spend some time with you."  
she could swear that he can't quite meet her eye. is that a bad thing? she's not sure.  
"that would be nice," he says.  
  


* * *

  
they get a chance to convene two days later. they agree - by way of letters; the children earn a couple of coins running to and fro - to meet in the teashop. neji is there before her; he's ordered already. she's pleasantly surprised to see that he's gotten something for her as well.  
"green tea," he says by way of introduction, noticing that she's staring. "i hope that's okay."  
"thank you," she says, and sits down opposite him. they still can't quite meet each other's eyes. "it shouldn't surprise me."  
"what?"  
"the traditional taste," she explains, smiling. "green tea. traditional dress at home. an old family like yours, i should have expected it."  
"why do i feel like you're making fun of me?" he asks in the same resigned tone he uses with lee sometimes. that has her laugh, something she's still not used to doing in front of people.  
"no, no!" she protests. "not like that! it's sweet."  
"sweet?"  
"i, er," she stammers. "i mean- oh, gods, i'm bad at this. it's just different. something different to what i'm used to. ugh," she adds, and scrunches her face up. "i'm sorry, that was a bad introduction. can we start over?"  
  
he's definitely smiling now, but he nods and clears his throat. "i ordered for you," he says, and gestures at the cup. "green tea. i hope it's to your taste."  
"honestly, i'm not so sure," she says. "i've only had it a couple of times and i thought it was quite bitter. i was younger then, too."  
"if you prefer it sweet..." he starts, but eiva shakes her head.  
"i should grow up at some point. i can't keep having sweet things forever."  
"nothing wrong with having a sweet tooth," he says, and waves over a waitress. "could we have some orange slices, please?"  
"of course," she says, and disappears. eiva makes a face.  
"now *i* feel like i'm being made fun of," she says and earns a smirk.  
  
the waitress brings their orange slices, and they both add the fruit to the tea. it still tastes bitter to eiva - she can't help but grimace after the first sip - but if nothing else it smells more fragrant, and that's more worthwhile than how it tastes. she's eaten things she didn't like before.

* * *

  
it's an enjoyable time out with him - not a date, she keeps repeating to herself. they make small talk in the tea shop until they run out of topics, and then switch to better things: where they would like to travel, their favourite books, how they became ninja. that last is more of a question on neji's end; it's pretty standard in this village that the children enter the academy, but eiva is not from konoha. she gets quiet when he asks. he seems to remember the lotus after that.  
"i'm sorry- i didn't mean-"  
"no," she says, "it's okay. a ninja is a ninja no matter how they were made. vana's a shinobi as well, so i was always going to be taught."  
"that's true," he says, but sparingly, like he doesn't quite feel reassured.  
"i'm not sure how old i was exactly," she says, and leans back in her chair to think better. "maybe five? i was taught that my parents left me behind one day and the lotus took me in out of the kindness of their hearts. vana told me that i was kidnapped. i'm inclined to believe her, now."  
"how did you meet your sister?" he asks. she smiles.  
"complete accident," she says. "i recognised the crest on her clothes from the good luck charm the lotus let me keep. i asked her about it and she told me she had a sister that was taken from her a long time ago. we talked it out and kept in contact."  
  


* * *

  
they're walking back to the hyuuga compound when he finally broaches the topic.   
"uh," he says, and because he hasn't stammered since they first met today she knows it's going to be bad. her heart immediately starts thudding so hard its painful. "so, uh."  
"i'm sorry," she says quickly. she has to put a stop to it as soon as possible, before it gets awful. "i shouldn't have kissed you the other day."  
"uh," he says again. he looks like he didn't expect her to be so upfront about it. "what? no, uh."  
she raises an eyebrow and waits for him to talk. "an apology isn't - you shouldn't have done? why?"  
"it was impulsive," she says. "i should have thought before acting. i just - back then, it sounded like you cared, and i. i thought it was appropriate to - to show affection to people who care." she falls silent. he doesn't say anything. "ugh. i'm bad at this. i'm sorry," she says again. "it's not an excuse, but i'm not good at people. i don't have a lot of experience with them."  
  


* * *

  
as it turns out, he doesn't seem to mind that she doesn't quite know how to deal with people. she babbles for a while and apologises several times until she lapses into silence. he sets his hand on her shoulder in that casual manner she's come to expect and enjoy, but then he returns the favour and brushes his lips against her cheek.  
  
she feels like she's about to explode. more than anything, she's startled at the sudden movement.  
"uh," she says. neji's hand is still on her shoulder. "uh."  
"forgive me if that was too impulsive," he says, and she starts to laugh weakly. "i'm not really sure what to do, either."  
  


* * *

  
they leave each other with an agreement not to push each other too hard or too fast and not to make a big deal of anything. it feels like their childish cheek-kissing is, in its own way, a strange pact that they have agreed to. more than anything, it is so strange that it is almost terrifying, something that makes eiva laugh when she is on her own again.  
she wanders around in a daze for a while. when she decides she's being silly, she returns home, where vana is lounging.  
"good day?" her sister asks.  
"mmm," she answers. "i think i have a boyfriend."  
  


* * *

  
they meet up several times after that, and it becomes an enjoyable thing to look forward to. they talk about nothing in particular, still unwilling to reveal too much about themselves other than superficial things. eiva learns that despite the traditional family, he is very much in favour of newer technologies and has been trying to get the elders of his clan to change their minds. there are better methods of transferring information, he says, and when he realises he's been talking for maybe too long he gets quiet. it's sweet. eiva tells him so, at which point he doesn't flush, but does seem to get even quieter, if possible.  
  
in return, eiva tells him about the places she's been and the things she's seen that she enjoys. she talks a lot about mountains - the lotus had moved briefly to a mountain when she had been younger that overlooked a hidden village - and then, hesitantly, about her teammates.  
"i miss them," she says over snacks served in the hyuuga compound.  
"tell me about them?" he asks. she stirs her tea with a sweet, something she had been delighted to find out had made him pull an incredible, nearly-offended face.  
  
so she speaks about xu and raie as much as she can bear. neji listens. she talks about how xuya, the youngest, was soft-spoken and liked  animals. she talks about the way raie likes to sing, but only when she thinks no one is listening. she's smiling by the end of it. for being lotus like her, they were good people. they took care of her. they took care of each other. when hakashi was in a rage and had taken his wrath out on any one of them they took care to heal up. she doesn't tell neji about the scars she still has, that she only has because her team helped her clean up properly.  
  


* * *

  
she thinks a lot more about her team after that day. she wonders how raie is doing, whether her temper has gotten her in trouble yet, whether she's keeping xu from harm. xu is timid at the best of times and not suited for the shinobi way. she doesn't mention their names to vana for fear that she will become jealous and stop talking to her. she hasn't gotten free of hakashi's influence yet, it seems.  
  


* * *

  
she's not free of a lot of things, it seems. certainly not of responsibility. she is tasked with more and more work, because if she is staying in konoha then she is to make herself useful. she stops sleeping so well, too wrapped up in worry for things beyond her control.  
  


* * *

  
she's not free of hakashi himself yet, either. she's given a simple task, but one that requires her to leave the safety of the village gates, and she forgets what tsunade had told her, forgets the note that she tore up with his handwriting on it. she forgets to be alert, and that is all it takes: she doesn't hear the ninja sneak up behind her.  
  
when she wakes she immediately notices that her hands are bound behind her back, too tightly for her to be able to wriggle free. she isn't blindfolded, which isn't much of a blessing. she keeps her eyes closed, the better to pretend that she is still unconscious and to assess the damage. so: captured. bound. the lotus are undoubtedly behind it, something that is only confirmed when she hears footsteps. they stop close.  
"i know you're awake," says hakashi. she doesn't reply. "open your eyes."  
  
no point in pretending if he's here. he won't leave until he's had his say. eiva knows what he's like. harsh and unforgiving. she opens her eyes, stares up at him. he's squatting down so he's closer to her, but still towering over her. there's no expression on his face. eiva makes sure to school her own face into a similarly neutral moue.  
"you ran," he says, accusing her of the truth. there's no point in denying it.  
"i ran," she confirms.  
"you ran away from me."  
"i'm back now," she says, and tests her bonds again. she's aware she can't feel her fingers, which means if she's ever let go she is going to be in a lot of pain.  
"that you are, princess."  
  
he leaves her on that note, leaves her very carefully not thinking about the pet name he gave her years ago. she stays on the floor where she's been trussed up and closes her eyes again.  
  


* * *

  
she loses track of time very quickly. hakashi returns at some point and unbinds her hands; she immediately feels the blood rush back into them and cries out. her two-time captor strokes her hair gently and then feeds her. she can't move her fingers they hurt so much, so he lifts every small bite of food to her mouth for her, and she, hating herself, eats. it's followed up with dango, which she refuses. the last time she ate dango she was stirring it into her tea. she doesn't want that memory tainted. hakashi, she hopes, doesn't suspect a thing, and simply takes the sweet back with him when he leaves the cell.  
  
with her hands unbound she's not forced to lie on her side anymore. she has the run of the cell, all few square meters of it, but she can't do anything but sit trying not to move her fingers. they hurt too much to do anything but be cradled in her lap.  
  


* * *

  
there's a commotion some time after that. she doesn't know how long she's been in the cell for, but she has done nothing. she has remained sitting in a corner, thinking furiously, trying to think of a way to escape, but it seems like she's stuck here at the lotus' mercy once again.  
  
then she hears yelling, and that gets her attention. she's on her feet in a moment and at the mesh that keeps her in the sparse cell, trying to peer out. nothing that she can see, but she can hear perfectly well. there's lots of yelling. lots of it. if she's lucky - if she's very, very lucky...  
  
she is. it doesn't take long before the yelling gets louder and she hears familiar voices.  
"here," she calls, and the footsteps hurry her way. tenten reaches her first.  
"here!" tenten calls back to the rest of the group before she turns back to eiva. "are you okay? are you hurt?"  
"i'm fine," eiva says. "what are you-"  
"we're here to rescue you," tenten says firmly, with a very serious look on her face. "you were supposed to be back a lot sooner, and when we found out you'd left the village, we figured..."  
  
tenten doesn't finish her sentence. she doesn't need to. eiva is, suddenly, very grateful. the rest of their team appears, and eiva doesn't remember the last time she was so glad to see someone. they all look furious.  
"please stand back!" lee asks her, and she retreats to the back of the cell. he kicks the door in like it's so simple, but her taijutsu isn't the greatest. she leaves the cell, thankful her friends have come for her.  
"are you hurt?" neji asks. she's impressed at how well controlled the fury in his voice is.  
"i'm fine," she repeats. "but i want to leave."  
"everyone else is acting as a distraction," tenten says. eiva blinks.  
"everyone else?"  
"from what little we know about the lotus - what you told us - they're strong, right? we got permission to bring a couple of teams along."  
  
permission means they went to the hokage. tsunade is the reason she has been allowed to leave this place.  
"we should hurry," neji says without looking over his shoulder. eiva nods and takes point. she isn't familiar with this particular base, but the lotus follow very particular rules about the layouts of their  hideouts. the cells are always to the right of the complex, tucked away behind other living areas. there are always cells. the lotus don't often take prisoners, but sometimes it's necessary. other times it's more necessary to punish other lotus shinobi.  
"is everyone else at the entrance?" she asks over her shoulder. she gets a chorus of affirmatives and keeps moving, not knowing the way but knowing that if she keeps going forward there is less chance of her going back into the cells.  
  
when they turn the corner, they see the results of the rest of the teams. ino-shika-cho are fighting a handful of ninja and neji's cousin is calling out positions for her team. heading the opposition are xuya and raieyana.  
"Xu," eiva calls. "raie - stop, please!"  
at the sound of her voice, her teammates actually stop what they're doing, and hold up hands to stop the lotus. everyone in the room is on tenterhooks suddenly.  
"eiva," raie says. "you shouldn't be out here."  
"please," eiva says again. "raie, please don't do this."  
"you left us for them," raie says. she sounds disappointed more than anything.  
"that's not true - i left hakashi, and i didn't leave for them!" eiva is pleading now. "i didn't know them until recently!"  
"but they came for you," xu says quietly. "if you didn't know them, why would they come for you?"  
  
eiva doesn't have a response for that and she stands crestfallen. it's tenten that steps to her defense. "we came to know her," she announces. "we spent time with her. we got to know her."  
"you don't know her," raie says, all fire again. "you don't know her like we know her."  
"please don't," eiva says before everyone she knows starts fighting. "please. raie - raie, come with us. xu, you as well. please."  
"we can't do that," xu says. "hakashi will-"  
"who cares what he'll do!" eiva cuts across her. "who cares - xu, he's not important, he's never been important - he's nothing. he's terrible, we don't need to-"  
"be quiet!" raie says, but she seems more scared than angry.  
"you don't have to suffer anymore, raie," eiva says. "why stay when you have to sew your friends up every other week? please, raie. xu."  
  


* * *

  
they're all bruised and bloody when they make it back to konoha. vana is waiting just in the gate. she's been chewing on her lips and makes a strangled noise when she sees eiva; she springs forwrad to hold her sister tightly. it hurts, but eiva weathers it for a moment.  
"ow," she says, and then she's let go.  
"who are they?" vana asks, barely stepping back.  
"my team," eiva says. "can i have something to eat?"  
  


* * *

  
they spend a lot of time in each other's companyu after that. tsunade wants to see them for an explanation, and they want to see her for a confirmation that they'll be protected from hakashi if and when he decides to storm konoha. they're given it freely - eiva has apparrently proven herself trustworthy, and having another team that works well together will be an asset for the village, even if they can't leave. they're given rooms in the main hall, and they fall asleep together the way they're used to doing. eiva wakes up with xuya's arm around her waist and raie's cold feet pressed into her side. she feels very much like she's home.  
  
they all wake up several times during the night, unused to the feel of each other in an unusual place for a change. they talk some and wriggle their way into more comfortable positions. eiva doesn't mention neji and decides very quickly that she won't tell them until she is sure she can trust them. she feels awful for not trusting them, but she knows hakashi's games extend far beyond just him and her.  
  


* * *

  
she begs leave from her team when tsunade announces that she wants to talk to them. eiva, it appears, can be trusted, but xuya and raieyana need to talk with the hokage before they can be allowed to walk around town unsupervised.  
  
she goes straight to vana's house, because she knows her sister will be worried. she is right; she is ushered in and made to sit while vana fusses over her scrapes and bruises. the hokage healed her, but only the largest wounds. superficial things, she had announced, were of lesser importance since there were so many of them that were injured.  
"i'm so glad you're safe," she says, and it fills eiva with a strange feeling. she is still not used to feeling loved.  
  


* * *

  
it doesn't take long before the fussing becomes stifling and she says that she has something to do. vana looks disappointed, but nods in understanding. "be careful," she says as she sees eiva to the door. she smiles through the bruise on her jaw and says she'll come by when she has time again.  
  
then she's free, and doesn't know what to do or where to go. she wanders instead of picking a direction, letting her feet take charge. she ends up in front of ichiraku, which isn't busy, and she feels her stomach rumble as she hears rock lee's voice.  
"eiva-san!"  
she turns and smiles wearily. he isn't alone; tenten and neji are both in tow, looking just as worn as she feels.  
"hi, lee." she nods at the others. tenten smiles, and neji nods back.  
"how are you feeling, eiva-san?"  
"your jaw looks painful," tenten says.  
"it is, a bit," eiva says. "tsunade didn't want to waste energy on small hurts. what about you? she had to heal you all, too."  
"oh, we're fine," tenten says. "nothing like a good old-fashioned beatdown."  
"how are your teammates?" neji asks. "they put up a good fight."  
"they're tough," eiva says. "they're fine. tsunade's talking to them now."  
"we were going to get something to eat," tenten says. "fancy joining us?"  
"if it's not too much trouble."  
  
they end up in ichiraku, since it's there, and cheap. eiva sits between neji and tenten and doesn't say anything more until she's eaten. everyone else stakes this in good stride and don't ask her questions once they realise that she's being quiet because she's hungry. tenten and lee keep the conversation alive, arguing about everything and nothing in the manner that eiva has become used to. sometimes one or the other turns to neji for approval. he nods or shrugs when prompted but otherwise stays out of it. when eiva hasn't spoken for almost ten minutes, he places a very gentle, very cautious hand on her back. she's not expecting the touch and she jumps - he retracts the hand immediately and looks down at his knees. it's endearing, really.  
  


* * *

  
once they're done eating they spend time just sat at the bar talking. eiva is energetic enough to join in with the conversation now; she gives her opinions on whether lee or tenten is right or wrong and ends up laughing more than she thought she could. the crowning moment of the afternoon is when she and tenten gang up on lee, who looks like he might shrink into the floor any second.  
"you are terrifying," neji says. tenten and eiva share twin grins and a high five at his observation.  
  
when they leave, tenten asks whether eiva would like to come back to hers. eiva shakes her head. "i actually wanted to go back with neji," she says. "i wanted to thank hinata for coming to help."  
"oh, that's a good idea," tenten says. "she'll be pleased you stopped by. tell her we said hi as well?" when eiva nods, she smiles. "i'm glad you're back," she says. "come by mine soon, okay?"  
  
then tenten and lee are off down the street together, leaving eiva and neji standing together.  
"is that okay?" eiva asks. "i, uh, realise i should have asked before just saying things."  
that earns her a moderately exasperated look. "it's fine," neji says. "i was hoping to see you at some point."  
they start walking. "you were?"  
"i was - we were worried," he amends. "you disappeared, and everyone panicked."  
"aww," she says. he swats at her and she laughs quietly.  
"now you're back," he continues, "and, well. we wanted to make sure you weren't hurt."  
she sobers a little at that, gives the question proper thought. "physically? i'm fine," she says. "the bruises? i'm sure i don't need to tell you not to worry about them."  
"your jaw *does* look painful," he says, but he nods anyway. "and... otherwise?"  
"otherwise..." she thinks about hakashi feeding her, holding her carefully and tenderly and calling her princess while the blood rushes violently back to her fingertips. she feels her lip quiver in anger, and the rest of her face screws up. neji stops.  
"do you need to talk about it?" he asks quietly. he's not touching again, careful to give her space. boundaries are important to him, she's learned, and she's grateful for it.  
"i don't..." she starts, and then takes a deep breath. "i don't want to," she says instead of *don't need to*. "not now, anyway. not here."  
  
he nods and keeps walking. they don't talk anymore after that, although she wishes they would, because she is going to dwell on her imprisonment until something happens.  
  


* * *

  
hinata isn't home, but her younger sister is. she looks up at eiva through her bangs and pokes her tongue out at neji, who brushes her away ineffectually.  
"she's out with kiba-san and shino-san," she says, dancing away from his fingertips. "i don't know when she'll be back."  
neji turns to her with an almost helpless look that she's not used to seeing on him. she thinks he shrugs. "if you don't want to wait..." he starts, but she shakes her head.  
"i don't mind waiting. if you don't mind."  
"i don't mind," he echoes, and eiva is hyperaware of his younger cousin staring between them. "do you want to-"  
"-sure," she says. she doesn't mind whatever he's proposing.  
  


* * *

  
the last time she was in his room she had been crying; now the situation feels completely different. it's still pristine. she stands in the middle of the room and tries not to fidget, feeling nervous and not knowing why. neji takes a step in after her, then makes an aborted movement that looks like he might reach for the door, and then lets his hand hang limply by his side. he clears his throat.  
"uh, do you want anything? --to drink, or..."  
"no, thank you," she says, and swallows heavily. "um."  
"um," he agrees. they stand more than an arms length apart from each other, both heavy limbed and feeling ridiculous. eiva takes a sudden deep breath and decides to be impulsive.  
"can i - can i kiss you?" she asks. neji's eyebrows raise, like he wasn't expecting her to ask.  
"um," he says, and then, "yes. um."  
"shut the door?" she suggests. "i know it doesn't really matter to your family, but."  
  
he nods and slides his door closed, then doesn't move. he looks as nervous as she feels, but she's made the first move already, so the second step forward shouldn't be difficult. it isn't; she takes one small step forward, and then another, and then she's standing a lot closer to him.  
"is this okay?" she asks. "we don't have to, i don't mind."  
"no," he says, and then quickly, "i mean, yes. i mean, it's okay. i - i'd like to."  
"yeah?"  
he nods, but he still doesn't seem willing to do anything - nerves, she figures, or maybe just unsure how to continue, so she takes another step forwards. they're almost standing flush. she leans up, swallows briefly, worried, and then she's pressing her lips against his. he's warm. he's also kissing her back, nerves apparently dispelled by doing something, and it's nice. he's not touching her otherwise: his hands remain by his side, as hers remain at her side. it's very chaste.  
  
it's also over quickly, neither of them wanting to push too hard or too fast still. "that was," eiva says.  
"that was nice," neji finishes. she nods, leans up on her toes for another. he bends his head and obliges.  
  


* * *

  
when hinata returns, they're in the courtyard and very skillfully pretending as though nothing is out of the ordinary. the rest of her team are with her. neji and eiva are sitting by each other with a respectful distance between them; there is also a plate of dango and two cups of green tea. it's become their tradition, almost, but one anyone else can take part in if they want.  
  
hinata smiles as she sees their guest. as a trio they approach.  
"hello," eiva says. "it's good to see you."  
"likewise," kiba says. "how are you feeling?"  
"your jaw..." hinata says. eiva rubs it, hard enough that the pressure aches.  
"it's fine," she says. "thank you for worrying. thank you for coming to get me, as well. i was waiting for you so i could tell you that."  
hinata's smiling in that shy way of hers. the hyuugas have a very particular way of smiling, eiva has realised, that feels like hot cocoa warming her from the toes upward.  
"what about the girls that came back with us?" kiba asks. eiva blanches. she'd forgotten about her teammates, and now she has guilt curling in her stomach.  
"they're with tsunade," neji says, to save her the trouble of answering. "much in the same condition. bruised - but who isn't?"  
"you're telling me," kiba says, and rolls back a sleeve to show off a shiner.  
  


* * *

  
"you're welcome to stay," neji says in an undertone later, when the day gets a little cooler. hinata's team is still with them and hanabi has joined the group. everyone is having fun and talking excitedly, and eiva still cannot bring herself to join in, the guilt is too strong. "in case you don't want to go back to them. you don't look like you want to."  
"mm," she says. "i don't. it's terrible. i've known them for..." she swallows, throat closing up around the words. neji tips his head toward the door and gets to his feet; she takes the proffered hand and follows him out.  
  
it's much quieter outside. the cool air stings tears into her eyes and she blinks them away.  
"talk," neji says.  
"i don't want to see them again," eiva blurts out. "not today, at least. not for a while, maybe, i don't know. but i feel awful about it. they're my family. they're more family than vana is. we've worked together for years, we've sewn each other up, we've shared a bed and food and everything else and yet i don't want to be near them and that's terrible."  
"is it?" he asks simply. she shakes her head in frustration.  
"of course it is! they're everything! they have been my everything-!"  
"they didn't want to come," neji interrupts gently. "it took a lot of persuading. they didn't want to come back with us. we had to fight them - you as well, eiva, you had to fight them as well."  
"because," she starts, but neji holds up a hand.  
"you broke away at the first possible opportunity."  
"yes, but,"  
"they've been with the lotus for a long time?"  
"yes, but i was as well-"  
"the lotus is their family," he says firmly. "you found something to break away from, but they didn't. their leader has incredible influence, from what i know."  
  
from behind eiva, the door slides open and hinata slips out to join them. "is everything okay?"  
"she feels guilty that her teammates are more loyal to her kidnapper than to her," neji says before she can wave everything away with a smile. "she doesn't want to see them for a while, but she's worried that they'll hate her for spending time with people they don't know rather than just them."  
hinata moves so she's next to eiva, and places one hand on her arm. "stay here," she says. "for as long as you need. you don't have to go back to them until you want to. we won't tell anyone where you are, if you don't want anyone to know."  
  
it's so earnest that eiva can't help but smile. the hyuugas are so welcoming and it's still confusing to her, but she's become better at accepting it. they care about her and she is hurting, ergo, they want to help however they can.  
  


* * *

  
she does decide to stay that night. it doesn't take a lot of coaxing once hinata gets involved; hinata is so sweet and friendly that it is hard to say no to anything to her. they - all three - return inside, where no one comments on their brief absence. hanabi fixes eiva with her big eyes, and eiva does her best to ignore it. she's not sure how to feel about hanabi.  
  


* * *

  
she's tired long before anyone else is. she yawns once, then twice, much to the amusement of everyone else, and before too long she's leaning against neji, shoulder to shoulder with her eyes drooping. under the table, his fingers are on her wrist. she fights the urge to fall asleep and does an admirable job of staying awake while everyone else has fun.  
  
when it gets too late, a hyuuga eiva has never seen before pokes their head through and informs hinata gently that it would probably be for the best if everyone went home now. kiba and shino, no strangers to being kicked out, promptly get to their feet and make themselves ready to leave.  
  
hinata sees them to the door. eiva yawns widely, tears leaking out of her eyes as she does so. from across the table, hanabi is staring.  
"are you staying?" she asks. eiva, too busy yawning to respond, makes a noise that could be construed as a yes. "okay," the younger girl says. "is she going to stay in your room?"  
neji doesn't bat an eyelid. "yes."  
"okay," hanabi says, but she's still staring, and suddenly eiva wonders whether she'll be able to get any sleep in a house full of people to whom walls mean nothing.  
  


* * *

  
she's given sleepwear and takes her time getting ready to sleep. she makes sure to fold all her clothes neatly, because it doesn't seem right to just throw her things anywhere like she would at home. she washes her face, which wakes her up again, but by the time she's finished brushing her teeth she's tired again. there's a brush in the bathroom; she leaves the room with her clothes in one arm and brushing her hair with her free hand. there's a lot of hair to brush, and it's hard going single-handedly.  
  
neji, to her surprise, has actually thrown his clothes haphazardly over his chair. he's doing something similar, brushing his hair so it can be tied back, but she didn't expect that he could ever do anything haphazardly.  
"you know," she says, and then yawns. "i didn't think it was possible for you to be messy." she yawns again. "didn't think i would be the good example."  
"shut up," he says, and yawns as he finishes tying his hair back. eiva places her clothes on the chair and then picks his up, folding them and hanging them over its back as well. when she looks over again, he's throwing a pillow to the floor.  
"what are you doing?" she asks. he looks up at her.  
"you can have the bed," he says. "i'll sleep on the floor."  
"what? no," she protests. "it's your bed. either you sleep in it or we share, but it's not mine to commadeer."  
"look," he starts, but she folds her arms, giving up her on hair.  
"no, *you* look," she cuts across him. "you've done so much for me already. don't make me do this as well. i feel like i'm taking too much."  
  
that shuts him up, and she goes back to brushing her hair, but she keeps eye contact the entire time. she's deadly serious, and he seems to understand, because he deflates a little and grabs the pillow from the floor again.  
"fine," he mutters.

* * *

  
as it turns out, his bed isn't quite big enough for two people, and it takes quite a bit of maneuvering before they're comfortable. most annoyingly, they've segued back into feeling awkward in such close proximity, both lying stiffly and trying not to brush against the other. after a while, eiva gets bored of being uncomfortable. she wriggles, and her foot brushes against neji's leg. he yelps; her toes are cold as they usually are, and his body is most definitely not cold. the heat has eiva's foot seek it out again.  
"stop!" he hisses at her. she does not stop. she instead rolls over so she's facing him, and looking him dead in the eye, presses both of her feet against him. he yelps again and jerks back instinctively; the movement has him nearly fall off the bed. she can see the panic in his eyes and she's giggling as she grabs his arms to stop him from thudding to the ground. tired but awake enough suddenly for this - exhausted messing around - she can't stop the laughter, though she's trying desperately. she turns her face into the pillow in an attempt to muffle the sound.  
"you're horrible," he adds, and huffs. some of his hair has come unbound from its tie and lies across his face; she turns her face to push it out of the way with a single finger. she realises, suddenly, that there are bandages wrapped around his forehead still.  
  
"did you forget?" she asks, and he looks confused until she taps the wrap. he goes from not understanding to looking guilty and being unable to meet her eye. "hey," she says gently. she traces her finger down his cheek. "i'm sorry," she adds, because she doesn't know what else to say. "it just looks uncomfortable. i can turn around until morning, if you'd like."  
"that's not," he starts, very quietly. "no, i don't-"  
"neji," she says. the tired mania has been replaced with quiet now. there is no room for silly things here in the dark. "if you don't want to say, then don't say. if you don't want me to know, then i won't know."  
"... i'm ashamed," he admits, even more quietly than before. eiva's hand is resting on the pillow between their faces, index finger still touching his chin. "even though i've come to terms with it."  
"you're ashamed of - what? yourself?"  
he nods. eiva frowns, runs her finger over his chin and up his jaw. "i'm not," she says. "ashamed of you, i mean."  
"but,"  
"no," she cuts him off, taps his cheek once. "you're not going to tell me i should change my mind because of things that happened when you were younger. we've all done things we don't want to talk about."  
  
he's silent, then, but looking at her like he's trying desperately to hold onto the words. she scoots closer, wraps her arms around him, and he lets himself be held. "i can turn away," she says again, the vibrations likely thrumming against his head from the way she's holding him, his face pressed against her neck. she can feel his breath soft against her skin.  
  
he shakes his head, but doesn't move. she doesn't move her arms from him either. they stay like that for some time, until he pulls away, but only slightly. he's not looking at her as he reaches up to unbandage his forehead. eiva stays silent.  
  
when the seal is revealed, she still says nothing, but she reaches out to trace it gently with that same finger, whisper-soft. "the branch families," neji starts, quietly, haltingly, "are marked with curse seals and bound to the main family. it's a... tradition," his mouth twists bitterly on that word, "of old bloodlines like mine."  
"neji," she says, and then doesn't know what to say next, so she pulls herself close again and cuddles close, resting her head in the small crook between his jaw and the pillow, fists her hands in the back of his nightshirt and feels her heart ache.  
  


* * *

  
when she wakes up, it's with a start. she's warm - too warm - and being held, something she's not used to. her eyes flash open and she's this close to panicking for a moment before she realises that she's abed in the hyuuga compound. neji is still asleep, and she hopes that she hasn't woken him; he doesn't stir, to her relief. he looks peaceful like this, with no worry lines or creases from frowning marring his features. in the light of day, the curse seal draws her eyes and she can only stare at it, the sadness from the night returning as she stares.  
  



	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> molly why stop please
> 
> (i couldn't think of anything else to put in this so i'm changing it up when i start again next time with an au!!!!!!!!! that only i care about hurr hurrrr)

eiva is very grateful to the hyuugas. vana is as well, considering how small her apartment is: there's not enough space to share the bed and neither of them wants to sleep on the floor, so eiva tries not to stay around too often. the hyuugas, however, have offered her the next best thing; the opportunity to stay with them for as long as she needs. it was hinata that pushed for the move, surprisingly enough, but no one protested it.  
"We have more than enough spare rooms," she had said with all the force a diplomat should have. it was impressive to watch. "and since eiva-san isn't an official konoha-nin, she can't be sent on official missions. she isn't getting paid, so she can't afford a place of her own. i just think, father," and she'd fixed hiashi with such a stern look that eiva had had to struggle to hide her grin, "that it's for the best of everyone if she stays with us."  
  
it hadn't taken much more convincing, honestly. eiva had been staying with them so often that she was an honorary houseguest as it was, on first-name basis with the hyuuga guards that patrolled the estate. when she wasn't staying with them, she was either uncomfortable at vana's or trying her level best to charm her way into staying at other people's.  
  
with that formality dealt with, hiashi leaves them to make necessary adjustments in setting up a space for her to call her own, and hanabi shoots eiva the slyest grin over the table. "do you really need a room of your own?"  
eiva can feel the blush strike as if someone punched her in the face, and she doesn't need to glance at neji to know that he's had exactly the same reaction. no doubt he's gone an even darker shade of red. hanabi only confirms when she bursts into laughter; hinata looks like she's trying not to laugh, but she at least attempts to scold her sister.  
"i think i liked you better when you weren't such a brat," eiva says, and rubs her cheeks. hanabi feigns offence.  
"so rude! i've never been a brat."  
neji makes a quiet grunt from somewhere to her left which means that he thinks she's full of shit as well, which only has eiva hiding a laugh again. it's a weird sort of happy, but happy she is. this is her new family, and they have taken her in and love her despite everything she has ever been told. she wakes in the night sometimes, shaking and sweating and more than once crying, but slowly, she is starting to break hakashi's hold on her. no one has seen him in a long time, and reports of the lotus are few and far between. she keeps herself updated on every piece she can find, knowing it will torture her. not knowing will hurt more, especially now that xuya is gone.  
  
xuya has become taboo between her and ray. in typical fashion for them, they've fallen back into patterns: ray gets angry whenever she remembers the lotus, and eiva becomes quieter and quieter. ray has come so far in the year they've been a part of konoha, been made an honourary chuunin after helping to save the hokage on a mission to the land of iron, has her own place and everything. once, under the cover of night, eiva asked whether she ever thought she would return.  
"never," ray had said, and she had sounded vicious. "knowing what that bastard did to you, and to my parents, and who else do you think he's hurt? fuck the lotus."  
  
the thought of xuya has sobered her as usual, but not made her as sad as it tends to. perhaps she's healing.  
"does this make me one of you?" she asks absentmindedly, and notices the confused looks they shoot her. "a hyuuga, i mean. i guess not," she says before they can answer for her. "don't have the eyes for it. don't think i'd trade these out, not even for your doujutsu. no offense, of course."  
she likes her eyes. green, like her mother's, according to vana. it had been hard to look into mirrors for a while - too much green, too many reminders of the lotus, too much branded into her very essence that she couldn't erase - but she's gotten used to it now. it helps that neji likes them.  
"what IS your name?" hanabi asks, sprawling across the table the way she does when her father is out of the room.  
"eiva," she replies, confused.  
"no!" hanabi says, and spreads out even more. "i mean your family name."  
"i don't have one."  
  
that was apparently the wrong thing to say. hinata's eyebrows shoot up so high they disappear, and hanabi gapes. neji, who knows this story, inspects his fingernails.  
"what do you mean! everyone has one!"  
"sai doesn't have one," eiva points out. hanabi pulls a face. she's easily the most expressive hyuuga in the compound.  
"sai isn't his real name either. that's just how he was brought up."  
"it's how i was brought up," she tries to say, but hanabi isn't having any of it. "no need for a family name when you know who everyone is." *we were all lotus and that was all that mattered*, she does not say. it's starting to niggle in the back of her mind, just another reminder that something's not quite right about her, that she can't fit in no matter how hard she tries. her fingers are curling into fists on her knees even though she doesn't want them to.  
"hanabi," hinata's saying - she's started to learn what is and isn't a good topic to discuss, and she's done so well at coming to the rescue when eiva needs it - but her younger sister is just barrelling forward.  
"we'll give you a name, then. can't be hyuuga - at least, not til you two get married-"  
  
eiva's only barely listening, but she smiles automatically when neji yells inarticulately and launches up to race at her. hanabi is equally agile and on her toes before she can be grabbed, eyes alight in the way that a teasing child's can be. it will be back to seriousness when they leave, but in this room, right now, they're two children getting on each other's nerves. it would be a beautiful thing to watch if she wasn't so preoccupied.  
"'scuse me," she says as neji finally gets a hold of hanabi's sleeve. his cousin is cackling, and hinata has her face in her hands. "bathroom. back in a minute!"  
  
*  
  
she loses track of how long she's in the bathroom for. she locks herself in, sits herself atop the toilet and brings her legs up to tuck in against her chest, leaning against the cool tile of the wall. she shuts her eyes, the better to overthink, and before she knows it there's a quiet knock at the door.  
"it's hinata," comes the shy voice from beyond. "are you okay? you've been in there awhile."  
  
it takes effort to get up and shamble over to the door, but she unlocks and opens it. hinata's concern triples immediately. "I'll talk to hanabi," she says. "i should have realised. i'm sorry."  
"it's okay, really," eiva tries to say, but hinata is pushing her way in and making her way to the sink, where she wets a handtowel and hands it to eiva.  
"your eyes are red," she explains, and the coolness of the cloth is soothing against her eyes.  
"this is so stupid," eiva mutters to herself. then, a little louder, "i wish i didn't get so upset about this. about everything, it feels like."  
hinata pulls a sympathetic face and pats her shoulder gently.  
  
*  
  
she's more than forgotten about the entire conversation a month later. she's not even aware of a higher level of consciousness than 'warm and sleepy'; she'd woken several times during the night and decided to move to neji's room for comfort (in the form of kicking him over and taking over the pillow). she hasn't even opened her eyes yet. the sun is just starting to stream in, she's comfortably pressed up against neji's equally warm back and she's enjoying feeling rested when the door slides open.  
"morning, lovebirds!" hanabi's trilling, and then she's ON the bed with them. eiva groans, tries to move her legs from being crushed underneath the girl's weight, and continues to make a pained noise until neji stirs.  
  
"what," he mumbles, and then growls when hanabi drapes herself over his side of the bed with the biggest grin. he proceeds to let loose a string of swears that she could have sworn he didn't know, and when that fails to get hanabi to leave, threatens to poke out her eyes. the threat makes her laugh.  
  
"i came up with one!" she crows triumphantly. eiva closes her eyes as tightly as they'll go and wonders if she'll ever be comfortable again with this weight on her legs.  
"with WHAT," neji demands, apparently understanding that she won't leave until she's been listened to.  
"a name for eiva! i've been thinking about it a lot."  
  
she produces a wad of paper covered with handwriting and plenty of crossings out.  
"木玲" is circled. she jabs a finger at it, verbalises it. "ki-rei. (kirae). like 'beautiful' (kirei), but i changed the characters. i made it more you. look!"  
a small, warm hand takes eiva's own and presses the wad of papers into it. eiva refuses to open her eyes, makes no move to look at the papers. "thanks," she mumbles. hanabi's weight stays on her until she realises that no one is making any rapid movements anytime soon to look at her hard work. she huffs.  
"well, look at it soon, okay?" she says, and bounces on their legs before she pushes up and off, earning twin grunts of pain from both bed-bound ninja.  
  
when the door closes behind her, they both groan. eiva lets the papers slip to the floor and rolls over, the better to bury her face in the stolen pillow.  
  
they try desperately to get back to sleep, but to no avail. neji tries to get the pillow back from her, which only begins a half-hearted fight for its possession, which neither of them wins when eiva sweeps her arm underneath her head and pushes it off the bed. neji groans, which she interprets as "why". she starts to laugh. it's quiet at first, and then it takes over her body until she's quivering with the effort of holding it in.  
"you're as bad as she is," he says. she cracks an eye open to glance at him; his eyes are still closed, but there's a crease between his eyebrows that she's grown very used to, and very fond of.  
"that's rude," she laughs, walking her fingers up his arm until they get to his cheek. she strokes it. his expression doesn't change, but he does turn his head toward her, eyes still closed. "don't be rude."  
"according to you i'm always rude," he mumbles, but there's no malice to it. she smiles, opens her other eye and yawns. "didn't sleep well?"  
  
the finger against his cheek stills for a moment. she starts tapping gently instead. "not really. i woke up a lot. nightmares."  
his eyes open at that. through the tiredness there's concern. "you've said that a lot lately. don't shug," he adds as she does, "you need to mention it to tsunade-sama."  
"she knows," eiva grumbles. "i told you, there's nothing she can do. i just have to wait them out til they stop being so... vivid." she pauses, and then, "i'm sorry if i disturbed you."  
  
he shakes it off, which is normal: they've been together long enough that they've had to talk about this before. she's woken him up on multiple occasions just for the company when she doesn't want to go back to sleep, which he's weathered incredibly patiently, but she doesn't like bugging him. the first time she hadn't woken him up and just lay next to him trying to be comfortable with the knowledge that someone she cared about was close by, he'd woken up and immediately freaked out.  
  
*  
  
breakfast is quiet but pleasant. hanabi seems to realise that more questions isn't going to get her any answers this early in the day; eiva still feels as though she's half-asleep and otps to pour a strong cup of coffee for herself instead of leaving a full plate of food behind. Everyone notices, of course, because there is no hiding anything in the Hyuuga household, but no one mentions it. Hinata is composed although just as tired as Eiva is, Neji is as stoic as ever, and Hanabi is almost vibrating in her seat she's so excited. Eiva waits til she's had a good half a cup of caffiene before she lets the girl stop suffering.  
  
"Everything okay, Hanabi?"  
"Yes!" the girl answers, almost breathless with excitement. "Did you read the- did you see it!"  
"see-?"  
"don't be mean," neji says. she has to stifle a laugh, but she produces the previously thrown to the floor wad of papers that was so unceremoniously dumped on her earlier. hanabi's eyes positively light up.  
"these? can't say i've had a chance to read through properly. i'll do it now."  
  
she spreads the papers on the table and hanabi jumps up, grabbing her food and relocating it on eiva's other side. eiva can feel herself being watched as she peruses the paper. there's obviously a lot of work that's gone into it - nevermind the fact that there's more than a couple of sheets there, but they're covered with hanabi's handwriting. there's plenty of doodles and crossings-out, too. three pages in, she reaches the sheet with the final decision, which is circled several times. just in case that wasn't enough, there are two arrows pointing to it.  
  
"say it again for me?" eiva says.  
"kire-i," hanabi sounds it out quickly, and then again, slowly, going over every syllable. it doesn't really mean anything, but it sounds like kirei - beautiful - and i like the characters. you wear a lot of green," she adds, tapping the character KI, "so i thought something green would work for you. trees. nature. that sort of thing."  
"you've thought about this a lot," eiva says, almost to herself, and hanabi beams. "i- i don't know what to say."  
  
she really doesn't. she can feel tears wanting to spring up, but she won't let them. they build in her throat instead, stopping her from talking. she opts to lean closer to hanabi and slide an arm around the girl's waist, eyes carefully trained still on the piece of paper and her new name. hanabi seems to understand, even if she doesn't quite get the emotion behind it - that's okay, the weight of neji and hinata's eyes on her is understanding enough. eiva swallows hard, picks up her mug and forces hot coffee to burn away the emotion.  
"kire-i," she says, and twists her mouth. "kirei. kire--i. it's a longer sound at the end, right?"  
"right," hanabi says.  
"it feels weird when i say it," she complains. "i might- ki-re-i. ki-rae."  
  
with the final vowel shortened and the trill disappeared, it becomes a lot easier to say, a lot more natural to form. "kirae. eiva kirae."  
  
\--  
  
"you're going to kumogakure," tsunade tells them. eiva shifts everso slightly to pop a tired bone in her back and knows ray isn't looking at her, for which she is very, very glad.  
"all of us?" kakashi asks. "isn't this too large a group for-?"  
"not really," the hokage cuts him off before he can finish talking. "part delegation, part honour guard, part asking you to do a mission while you're there. the orders come from both myself and the raikage," she says as she rifles through papers on her desk and finally locates the one she wants. she clears her throat before talking again. "kakashi, sakura, naruto: you three are going as ambassadors from konoha. officially, i have no time to visit kumo, nor can the raikage come here. you will be taking a report from me and engaging in whatever the raikage asks you to do while there. i know i don't have to say this," she adds with a very pointed look at naruto, "but be civil. sai, neji, you're there as extra protection should the need arise. for whomever requires it."  
  
finally, she turns to the two girls. "neither of you are konoha-nin, nor are we going to tell you to act as them. rayana, despite the chuunin designation, since you aren't legally a konoha resident..."  
"i understand," ray says. "the information won't leave us."  
"correct. eiva, you don't even hold genin status, but you're being sent specifically with the rest of them. raikage's orders. you'll be posing as a civilian until you get there."  
"and then?"  
tsunade looks only moderately troubled. "one of the land of iron's daimyos is... behaving counterintuitavely to the land's best interests. the raikage doesn't want him eliminated, but needs some pressure exerted onto him. i'm sure you understand that he cannot do this himself."  
"of course," eiva says. "and konoha doesn't want any undue attention either. sure, ray and i are perfect for the job."  
"more than you think," tsunade says. "one-eyed daichi-san is the offending target."  
  
-  
  
the land of iron is cold - naturally, with snow everywhere. predictably, eiva loves it. every puff of air she breathes out that she can see is a delight to her, even though her nose and cheeks have been turned a permanent ruddy red.  
"i wish i had your weird lizard blood," ray mutters to her once, and gets a wide grin in return.  
  
-  
  
(blah blah hyuugas still not happy in kumo blah)  
  
-  
  
eiva and ray have put great care into their apperances when they turn up that evening. the two of them have both put their hair up, back, tied carefully so that nothing can be grabbed at. they're wearing all black, all covered with the exception of their faces and their arms. ray's hands and forearms are bandaged still, but there are no trailing pieces of fabric. they do not look grim so much as detatched.  
"you seem prepared," sai observes before anyone else can say anything. "he's going to arrive shortly. did you want to meet him out here?"  
"shut it," ray says. it's not malicious - the nerves are almost visible once she speaks. a muscle twitches in her jaw, and sai obligingly closes his mouth, reverting to the smile they've grown used to seeing him wear.  
"let's go in," eiva says. "we'll wait. see you guys later."  
she doesn't look at any of them as she pushes open the doors.  
  
-  
  
daichi comes in a short while later flanked by two of his bodyguards. he notices them immediately.  
"who are you?" he asks. his voice is still as grating as it used to be. neither girl makes any move to answer him, and he sounds angrier when he repeats himself. "i said, who are you?"  
  
"you don't remember us?"  
he stills, and then eiva opens her eyes, and he flinches. for all she hates the lotus, they taught her well. "you-"  
"i'm almost disappointed, daichi-san," she continues, voice low, unthreatning. "i would have hoped you hadn't forgotten us."  
"what are you doing here?" he's turned the same grey colour as flavourless porridge, and his bodyguards don't know what to do with themselves.  
"surely you know the answer to that," eiva says. "it's pretty obvious. the money flows, and we follow it."  
"but you- you're not-"  
"not with the lotus? i'm surprised you know about that. no, you're right. we aren't with them any longer, but there is still only one currency in this world, and we must follow it."  
"you've come to kill me," he wheezes, and the bodyguards unsheath their weapons. eiva stays sitting, as does ray, but she can feel the other girl tense up beside her.  
  
"if we wanted you dead we wouldn't be sitting here talking to you," she says calmly. "i suppose inviting you to sit with us is out of the question."  
the daimyo's bulging eyes answers her question for him. she shrugs and leans back, making sure her movements are slow. the bodyguards don't seem to know what to do with themselves - useless at their job. daimyos should really invest in better hired tools.  
"very well. you know why we're here, but i'll say it again for you just in case. work with the people you've agreed to elect. i won't be called in to talk to you next time if you keep behaving like this, as i'm sure you don't need to be told. you'll do well to listen."  
  
she gets up then, swiftly. ray rises with her, her own silent bodyguard. daichi looks like he might vomit or pass out, she's not sure which yet.  
"i'm sure you want to keep your other eye," she says, and then they're moving out of the room together. the bodyguards move instinctively out of their way - they know when to yield, they're not stupid, and she's sure they'll be looking for a less terrifying job before the day is out.


End file.
